African Culture Commandment #2

Save Face At All Cost!

One of the things that is taboo in many of the world's cultures, if not most, is the art of confrontation. I know that many of you are thinking right now....'well, nobody likes confrontation', and you are right that probably 99.9% of the people on the planet are not comfortable with confrontation. (We've all met a few souls that seem to thrive on it, but usually even they don't like to be on the receiving end) However, in American culture, even though most don't like to receive confrontation, there are many who don't hesitate to dish it out. In the rest of the world, this is usually looked on with great disdain, especially in African culture. The general rule here is that it is NEVER ok to embarass another with confrontational tactics, no matter how much it may indeed be deserved! If you ever watch an African family negotiate 'lebola' (the amount to be paid by the soon to be groom to the family of a daughter getting married), you would think that NOTHING was getting accomplished. Usually the girl's family names it's price, then the groom's family counter's with another offer, and so on. All of this is done at a big family gathering, and never face to face by the bride and groom with parents. Instead representatives are chosen to go back and forth as messengers, until an amount is agreed upon. Usually the side that 'wins' the negotiations is the side that is able to sit the longest :-)....and believe me they can sit for a long time!!! But, all of this system for negotiating lebola is built carefully around this priniciple of confrontation being taboo.

Most times, if you embarass an African through face to face confrontation, you have probably just made an enemy for life. He will never forget, nor forgive you for that, unless his heart is altered by the forgiving love of Christ. Biblically, we are commanded to confront certain issues at certain times, however, I think that many of us could review our spirit and approach to confrontation. Much can be learned by the patience and cautiousness used by Africans in their relationships in this regard. A Christian has the responsibility of learning how to balance cautiousness and confrontation in his sphere of relationships.